MEMO FOR PARENTS
"How to behave if your child is 'in the game'"
Unfortunately, internet games "Blue Whale", "Quiet House" and others in social networks that lure teenagers really exist. We proceed from the well-known proverb "Forewarned is forearmed". Currently, one of the popular games that has attracted the most attention is called "Blue Whale". After a complex procedure of joining the group, the teenager receives specific tasks from a curator for 50 days. The last task is suicide. In the modern situation of children's growing up, when the virtual world competes with the real one, parents' attention to the child's life, adherence to a number of rules, and having certain knowledge can help prevent the irreparable.
WHAT NOT TO DO!!!
- Look at the child's correspondence, their personal diary or social media account. The first desire of many parents is to check everything they can reach. But, firstly, this severely violates trust in the relationship, and secondly, it won't help you anyway. Even if you discover something frightening, any attempt to use this fact in conversation will only ruin contact. Yes, sometimes there is a desire to look through a teenager's social networks to make sure they are not at risk. But it's important not to cross the child's personal boundaries: there are many other ways to participate in their life. For this, you need to be able to talk and build trusting relationships, not spy on what they do behind your back.
- Forbid discussing the topic of "whales" in the family. Contrary to popular belief, conversations on "dangerous topics" do not provoke dangerous situations but rather help avoid them. Oddly enough, the best way to find out if your anxiety is justified is to talk about it directly. Do not try to shield the child from "bad" information in every possible way; talk to them frankly without intimidation or threats. It is really important for a teenager that you are capable of understanding their feelings, problems, and interests. But demonstratively avoiding this topic in conversation, interrupting at every mention of whales, or even forbidding talking about it will, on the contrary, lead to nothing good. From this, the child will only feel their loneliness more acutely and conclude that no adult is likely to understand and support them.
- Pretend that you don't care at all. Mastering yourself and your feelings is an important skill that helps make decisions in difficult, emotionally tense situations. So restraint and calmness are faithful allies in any conversation with a teenager on an exciting topic. But one should not confuse them with indifference. It is appropriate to show that you care, but you won't panic.
- Control every step of the child. Control is a very complex topic in relationships with teenagers. Great parental skill is required here not to slide into one of the extremes. Too much control - tracking all the child's calls and SMS, demanding to "check in" every hour, introducing an "emergency" home regime. All this will only make the child secretive and irritable, which is a big blow to trust. Too little control, on the other hand, may be perceived as indifference or permissiveness. It is important to recognize situations where the child is already quite independent and where they still need help and guidance. For example, a teenager may well decide when to go to bed if they get up on time in the morning and go to study. But the opposite situation may occur. Suppose you agreed that the situation with studies needs to be corrected, chose a non-intervention policy, but by the end of the quarter or trimester, nothing has changed. This means the child is not yet coping with this responsibility and your participation is needed.
WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE!!!!
- Take an interest in the child's life. When something frightening happens to a child, it is important to correlate this alarming signal with the overall picture of their life. What else worries you? And what, on the contrary, inspires optimism? This may concern both the child's environment and their emotional state and behavior. If the child listens to sad music and their mood often changes, this does not necessarily mean things are bad - all this is quite characteristic of ordinary teenagers. So it's not easy for parents to unambiguously assess the situation. You have to distinguish well when a teenager encounters difficulties common to their life and age and copes with them, and when they do not cope. To begin with, try to assess: are whales the only thing that worries you, or are there other problems? For example, the child might suddenly start eating or sleeping little (or a lot), you noticed they are depressed or suddenly became withdrawn. Warning signals may be attempts to quit school, conflicts with friends, loneliness, threats to leave home, or even running away. On the other hand, assess if there is something in their life that supports them and gives them strength to cope with difficulties.
- Talk to the child. The most important thing you can tell your child is that you notice them and care about what is happening to them. It's better not to postpone this conversation, but choose a time when it's convenient for them to talk. If you have good contact with the child, you can openly tell them what worries you about their behavior and directly ask what the whale means to them. Why do they do it, what meaning do they see in it, do they need parental help? It is important for teenagers that in this situation there is a person who can listen attentively without evaluating or interrupting, but asking clarifying questions. It is important to learn to talk with a teenager about serious topics: "What is life, what is its meaning?", "What is death?", "What is friendship and love?" Children are not just fascinated by these topics: adolescent experience is a time of self-awareness, their values, so it is important for them to hear and understand what is valuable to their parents. Don't be afraid to share your own experience and reflections. It is important to show the teenager that life itself is valuable, that one can enjoy everyday events and overcome difficulties.
- Talk to someone from their environment. This could be the homeroom teacher, social pedagogue, school psychologist, coach, or the teenager's friend - the main thing is that you have good contact with them. Otherwise, the question "how is Petya doing?" will only cause anxiety. It also happens that a concerned homeroom teacher or someone else from the school contacts you themselves. This is the time to find out how the child is doing with lessons or classmates. You can also find out if the school is aware of the "Blue Whale" game, what they think or are doing about it. It would be good to understand whether they can help at school or are inflating parents' fears and anxieties.
- Don't be afraid to seek help. There is nothing shameful in feeling fear, not knowing where to find reliable information or help. In fact, there are medical, social, and psychological centers where you can turn for support if the situation becomes unsafe. You are not obligated to cope with everything on your own. Moreover, help may be needed not only for teenagers but also for you. These can be individual or family consultations, private or state centers, support groups, helplines. Know that you always have the opportunity to rely on other people and their experience.
The memo was prepared by specialists of the SPPS of the city resource center for educational work of the State Educational Institution "Secondary School No. 138 of Minsk" based on materials posted on the website of the non-profit partnership for the development of children and adolescents "Crossroads Plus"
